While you were gone.....

To my ex-husband........ Sometimes I think of how many times you have dropped out of our kids lives only to resurface later. Better and ready so you say. But not this time. Not.This.Time. Sometimes I get mad at you and think of how unfair it all is. I get to shoulder the financial responsibilities, the sickness, and lately their mental health (thank you). I think how unfair it is that you get to skate through life taking no responsibilities for your kids, your actions, or even your financial obligations. But then I remember...... I remember being there for the awards assemblies, the school plays and the class parties. I've been there through the hospital stays and the high fevers and the random sicknesses that have come their way. I helped your daughter dress and sent her off to the formal dance year after year. I take them trick or treating. I make sure their homework is done. I make sure they make it to practice, games, doctors appointments, and school on time, day after day.....year after year. These things are not unfair to me. These things are a BLESSING to me. This day will never come again. This will be the one and only time these girls will participate in Halloween as an 11 and 14 year old. This will be the only year that Carissa will be a freshman in High School. This will be the only time that Shelbie has a first year of middle school. They will both have birthday's soon. Carissa will never turn 15 again. Shelbie will never turn 12 again. Those birthday's will NEVER come again. There will never be a second chance for you to see their childhood. They don't get two. You are missing it. It's not "not fair" to me........it's a blessing to me. I am here. I see the smiles......I hear the laughs......I wipe away the tears. I even get the teenage hate. I wouldn't trade any of it. It is a blessing. You are missing it. This is just a few of life's precious memories that you missed. These are the good times. The times I will look back on......the times I will miss when they leave for college and start families of their own.

What will you look back on?