Fake(ness)

I haven't been on here in awhile. When I left for vacation I had a total of 430 page views. When I came back after about 10 days, my page views number was sitting somewhere around 750. WOW! Now I feel guilty for being away for so long. Like I just left all of my readers hanging or something. None the less, I am home. We took our first ever vacation as a blended family. We cruised with Carnival down to Mexico. First port was Progreso. Second port was Cozumel. In Cozumel we swam with the Dolphins. SO FUN! They are incredibly soft. I don't know what I expected. I think by looking at them that I assumed they would be all rubbery and that wasn't the case at all. Anyways, the trip was.....memorable. That's a good word. And I look forward to sailing on the Carnival Magic next year!!

(View from my room. The ocean is my favorite!) I returned from my vacation to immediately head up to Kansas City, Missouri with some of my favorite girls to celebrate one of my close friends upcoming wedding. Fun times with the girls! I came home sick. I spent my entire first day back, in bed and unable to swallow. I guess the tons of traveling and millions of germs didn't agree with my immune system. So, that brings us to today. I am not 100% but I am a little better. I am up at least! And since I am awake and aware and not on the road, my mind has been wandering all over the place. That brings us to the title of this blog. Are you wondering why I titled the blog about my vacation as fake? Me too. But I guess that it is because this blog has nothing to do with my vacation. That was merely an introduction and a brief explanation of my absence. I came home from vacation to find the heart community that I am a part of, in a state of disharmony. It is unsettling. I love being a part of this group! There are about 600 of us that laugh, cry and pray with and for each other. We all understand. We have all been there. Our children were born with heart defects. We face(d) the open heart surgeries and countless medications and things that nobody can possibly understand unless you lived it. This online support community did not exist when my daughter was alive. My how I wish it had!!! But we talk about important things and we push for things to be better for the heart babies of the future. So it goes without saying that I love this group! And these men and women that talk of their experiences freely in hopes of helping another. Upon arriving home, I caught the tail end of the scandalous activity that was going on. It seems there was a fake amongst us. Now why people make up profiles and pretend to have a dead daughter or son is way beyond anything I can comprehend. All I know is that this is the second time I have let a fake person have access to my information unwillingly. I don't give a lot of personal info but I do have pictures. I don't ever think about the dark side of the internet. I have this blog open for all to read. I guess that is a scary thing. These women stole pictures of other peoples infants and posed them as their own. WHAT??! I am still floored by the most recent accusation. The first girl I had been friends with for over a year. She had befriended me online because she noticed that her and I shared a common bond. Our babies had the same death date. We talked often. I grieved for this girl. I had never met her in real life, yet a piece of my heart laid with her and her dead babies. I was in disbelief when someone posted in the community that it had come to light that her profile was fake. How could it be fake? Our babies had the same death anniversary. Not the year, just the day. It had to be true. People wouldn't make something like that up. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I went to talk to her and she was gone. Everything deleted. It bothered me. I still didn't want to believe it. Regardless of what I did or didn't want to believe, I decided to take precautions. I went through my "friends" and deleted at least 75 people. They were people I didn't really "know" or rarely, if ever, talked to. This newest fake was deleted during that sweep of mine. So this newest discovery didn't hit me as hard. I had deleted her months ago. But it has shaken my faith in people. You see when I took on the position of advocate for Oklahoma Pulse Ox, my friends number grew. Over the last few months I have added back tons of people for the sake of spreading the word and gaining support. Now I sit and look at it all, dumbfounded. Should I delete people again.....should I close my account (again).....should I let 2 bad apples ruin it all for me......should I set this blog to private??! How am I going to reach people that need help if they can't view it? Why in the world would someone fake the death of their child?! I realize that mental illness is at the core of both of the situations but it deeply disturbs me. I don't like the dark side of the internet. I don't like drama. I don't like fake. And I don't know what to do.