Let's just call this one...About Me

If you are here then you probably already know me. If not then here are a few little fun facts to make you feel as though you know me. I have 4 living children & 1 angel in heaven. I love to take pictures. I love to swim. Writing is my passion although I very rarely do it. I love my family. It is huge and sometimes annoying and definitely the best thing that ever happened to me. I am strong and mean and yet I am very tender hearted and willing to help almost anyone. It's a crazy mix, I know. I love to camp. I appreciate when people spell their words correctly. I am not a fan of Ebonics. I like to surround myself with smart people because I love to learn. I love God. That should have been put in the beginning. I have strong opinions but I respect yours even when they are not the same and hope you can do the same for me. I'm not always as confident as I seem. I have sporadic mood swings. When I'm hurt, I withdraw. I threaten to run away from the situation that is causing me pain. I hate the doctor. I wear a lot of black. When I am down, I will often get something pierced. The physical pain reminds me that I am, in fact, still alive. I don't claim to be normal. I wouldn't even know what normal is. I love office supplies and makeup. I buy a lot of those things even though I have a ton of both. I love smell good hand soap. My kids drive me nuts but I wouldn't trade them for the world! And don't cross them because I am a mean momma bear. I have amazing friends. Amazing. I love the sun, the ocean, being warm. I love to travel. I wish someone would pay me to do it. I love a good sandwich. I admire integrity and honesty. I don't like drugs or what they do to people. I like to sleep when it rains. I probably waste to much of my life sleeping. I want to help people. I have lived through so much that I know that God could use me in a really big way if I was ever comfortable enough to share my testimony. I don't do it though, because it still bothers me to be judged to such a harsh degree. I am extremely hard on myself. I am my own worst enemy for sure. I care to much what other people think even though I don't want to. That is a work in progress. I am a tank top and flip flops kind of girl. I am a sentimental freak. I have had my heart broken. I am on my second (and last) marriage. My husband is way beyond amazing. Most days I feel as though he deserves so much better than a nut like me. Words can't describe how much I love him. My house is always messy and I don't care. I like for it to be clean, but we only get one life and I don't try to stress over the house to much. I cry. A lot. I think it comes from my deep sense of loss. I am a grudge holder even though I don't want to be. I suck at cooking, but am fantastic when it comes to sarcasm. I hate, DESPISE talking on the phone. Good luck getting me to answer it.....unless you are one of my kids. If you wanna talk to me, text me. IF i get a spare second i will text you back. I can't stand Christmas. It is all way too much. I have no patience. When I want something or want something done, I want it or want it done right then! I am a hard person to love. I have a short temper. I loathe people that try to tell people that have had children die when they should or shouldn't be over it and how they should or shouldn't feel. Until your child is dead, keep your mouth shut about us and ours. You have no idea and you should thank God everyday that you don't! I held my daughter in my arms as she died and it is an experience that I will never forget. I am always scared that I might forget what she looked like so I look at her picture daily. I never want to forget because it reminds me to quit taking life for granted. I often dream of running away, changing my name, and starting from scratch somewhere brand new....where nobody knows me or the billions of mistakes I have made. I am the most least perfect person you will ever find. I love, love, love to see people from my youth and talk about the good ol days. I am anal about my handwriting so therefore it takes me forever to write anything out. I am a music lover. Blending a family has been one of the biggest challenges of my life!! Honoring our soldiers is important to me. I should probably stop here. But if you are reading this then welcome to my blog!! In the following months I hope to share lots with you.